Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year--A Decade Ago!

Here's a play that I wrote way back in 2002 for a 14/49 called "Auld Acquaintance." You know, I think I got a few things right about the future--though I'm hoping Pope Francis has better luck....





                                  ACTOR 1
         And then that year things got bad.

                                  ACTOR 2
         No, back up a minute. I think things started going
         bad earlier on.

                                  ACTOR 3
         Well, that may be, but I think the worst thing about
         2002 is how so many people thought that the worst
         had already happened.

                                  ACTOR 4
         Exactly. They were even talking about how "the world
         will never be the same after the events," like
         history had suddenly received a neat divider, like
         when the Cretaceous Era shifted into the Tertiary
         Period.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         Morning, Diplodocus.

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Morning, Stegosaurus.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         Well, you look like hell.

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Tell me about it. Woke up this morning to find those
         little furry bastards had been burrowing around in
         the nest.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         No!

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Yes! Pecking at the shells and everything! I
         squashed a couple with my huge webbed foot, but the
         rest got away.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         What a mess. Man.  Not that I don't have problems of
         my own.

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Do tell.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         Where do I start? I've had this cold hanging on for
         months, my customary diet of lush verdant greens has
         become sparse in the changing climate, and, oh I
         don't know. I just don't seem to be having fun
         anymore, you know what I mean?



                                    (Dinosaurs 3 and 4, a pair of
                                    Phorushacus, or large flightless
                                    primitive birds, go running past,
                                    hooting and hollering like teenagers)

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Now who the holy hell is that?

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         It's those damn Phorushacus.

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Phorushacus?

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         Large flightless primitive birds.
              (they come laughing and screaming past again)
         Hooligans! I know your parents!

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         The days of gracious grazing are past, my friend.
         The future belongs to the likes of them.

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         I fear you're right. It's depressing, you know?

                                  DINOSAUR 2
         Don't let it all get you down. Hey, I hear there's
         going to be a spectacular meteor shower tonight!

                                  DINOSAUR 1
         Really? Well at last! Something to look forward to!

                                  ACTOR 1
         What was all that about?

                                  ACTOR 5
         Context.

                                  ACTOR 1
         Well, anyhow, can we move up a bit, to say, the
         beginning of 2002?

                                  ACTOR 2
         It started nice for me anyway.

                                  ACTOR 3
         We were at that party. And I had a new dress to show
         off.

                                  ACTOR 4
         And no one felt like they had to talk about politics.

                                  ACTOR 2
         God no. I haven't picked up a paper in weeks.

                                  ACTOR 3
         And midnight came, and we raised our glasses.

                                  ACTOR 1
         I propose a toast.

                                  ACTOR 4
              (aside)
         Oh God.

                                  ACTOR 1
         To the end of a difficult year, and the promise of
         a new one.

                                  ACTOR 3
              (aside)
         Jacob always has to do this.

                                  ACTOR 1
         To peace in our time, and the healing of our hurt
         hearts.

                                  ACTOR 2
              (aside)
         The guy starts writing movie reviews for the
         Stranger, and suddenly he's a goddamn toastmaster.

                                  ACTOR 1
         To better times and the wisdom to appreciate them.

                                  ACTOR 3
              (aside; referring to Actor 5)
         He was just about to kiss me! He was going to kiss
         me at the stroke of midnight! I could just tell!

                                  ACTOR 1
         To the hope that children inspire, and their gift of
         clear innocent vision.

                                  ACTOR 5
              (aside)
         God I'm drunk.

                                  ACTOR 3
              (aside)
         Shut up! Shut up with your damn speeches!

                                  ACTOR 1
         Now if we can all link up and sing Auld Lang Syne.
         I've had the song sheets printed up with all five
         verses.

                                  ACTOR 2
         Uh, I've got to get going.
              (leaves)



                                  ACTOR 4
         That's my ride.
              (leaves)

                                  ACTOR 5
         Excuse me.
              (he runs off to be sick)


                                  ACTOR 3
         Perfect.

                                  ACTOR 1
         Well, okay. We'll start with the second verse, just
         you and me. "And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
         And surely I'll be mine."

                                  ACTOR 3
         Go to hell, Jacob.

                                  ACTOR 1
         So yes, we had a bad start to the year. And I made
         fondue!

                                  ACTOR 5
         My tongue needed a lawnmower the next day.

                                  ACTOR 2
         I got the flu, that weird one, where. . .

                                  ACTOR 4
         You feel almost drunk, but never fun drunk, for days
         on end?

                                  ACTOR 2
         No.

                                  ACTOR 1
         The one where you can't keep anything down except 7-
         up and crackers?

                                  ACTOR 2
         No.

                                  ACTOR 3
         The kind where you can't call the woman you almost
         kissed on New Year's?

                                  ACTOR 2
         What are you talking about?

                                  ACTOR 4
         And then finally I got laid off.

                                  ACTOR 3
         And that hurricane hit Cancun, but I didn't want to
         go alone anyhow.

                                  ACTOR 5
         And work got, believe it or not, even more boring.

                                  ACTOR 1
         Things did tend to get both obscure and speeded up
         somehow.

                                  ACTOR 2
         Are we still at war?

                                  ACTOR 5
         America at War: A Special Report.

                                  ACTOR 4
         The War on Terrorism: the Invisible Enemy.

                                  ACTOR 3
         America's Special Invisible War.

                                  ACTOR 2
         Who is Our New Enemy?

                                  ACTOR 1
         The War on Drugs and the War on Terrorism: Are They
         the Same Thing?

                                  ACTOR 2
         Eco-Terrorism: The New Green Look of War?

                                  ACTOR 3
         Is anyone reading these stories, or just the
         headlines?

                                  ACTOR 4
         They aren't writing stories anymore. Just headlines.

                                  ACTOR 5
         My definition of terrorism? The news media of the
         last six months.

                                  ACTOR 3
         I saw him at the grocery store. He was standing near
         the express lane.

                                  ACTOR 5
         I don't recognize the world I'm living in any more.
         When did I jump the rails?

                                  ACTOR 3
         And I decided to be direct.

                                  ACTOR 5
         I hate that little fucker, and so do all my friends,
         so where is this 90% approval rating coming from?

                                  ACTOR 3
              (rehearsing)
         Hey, how's it going? You lose my number or what?

                                  ACTOR 5
         It's like that movie where they have those
         sunglasses where when they put them on they can see
         that all those people around them are actually. . .

                                    (He puts on glasses from kiosk)

                                  ACTORS 1, 2 4
              (undergoing momentary hideous transformation)
         REPUBLICANS!

                                  ACTOR 3
         Finally I get up the nerve.
              (she starts towards him)

                                  ACTOR 5
         Screw this line. I'll buy my milk and eggs at the
         corner market.
              (he brushes past her without seeing her)
         Excuse me.

                                  ACTOR 3
         Well things just got worse.

                                  ACTOR 1
         Oh they did. The recession became a depression,
         and. . .

                                  ACTOR 2
         There was that oil spill, and the genetically
         engineered bacteria that ate it along with all
         plastics on the Eastern seaboard, and. . .

                                  ACTOR 4
         The pope got very, very weird.

                                  THE POPE
         You like my new robe?

                                  ANNOUNCER
         Recurring rumors about the Pope's deteriorating
         mental state have been vehemently denied by the
         Vatican.

                                  THE POPE
         That Bjork, she's one hot momma!

                                  ANNOUNCER
         "The Holy Pontiff is as healthy today as upon his
         election."

                                  THE POPE
         All of that stuff about contraception and abortion?
         What was I thinking? You get it on, young people!
         But play safe!
              (two cardinals come and hustle him off.)


                                  ANNOUNCER
         After a brief illness, his holiness passed into
         eternity.

                                  ACTOR 5
         Meantime there was another anthrax scare, and the
         hostage situation up at ANWAR.

                                  ACTOR 1
         And more wars, with someone. . .

                                  ACTOR 2
         And more craziness. . .

                                  ACTOR 4
         And more school shootings. . .

                                  ACTOR 3
         And he still hasn't called.

                                  ACTOR 5
         And the earthquake and subsequent tsunami.

                                  ACTOR 2
         And I got a new job.

                                  ACTOR 5
         And I got fired.

                                  ACTOR 2
         So did I a week later.

                                  ACTOR 1
         And work dried up. . .

                                  ACTOR 3
         And so did the lawns that summer. . .

                                  ACTOR 4
         And I went back to school that autumn, which was. . .

                                  ACTOR 5
         Boring. Boring! Boring! Day after day watching the
         severance package dwindle, and nothing to look
         forward to, and then it was Christmas with my psycho
         family, and then Jacob's. . . .

                                  ACTOR 1
         New Year's Party, and I'm making fondue!

                                  ACTOR 2
         What the hell.

                                  ACTOR 3
         I've got nothing else to do.

                                  ACTOR 4
         Last year's sucked, but. . .

                                  ACTOR 5
         There's always hope. And this year I'm not really
         drinking.

                                  ACTOR 1
         This year I don't have a long boring toast.

                                  ACTOR 3
         This year I'm high as a kite.

                                  ACTOR 4
         Mmmm. Me too.

                                  ACTOR 5
         Hey! Well what a lovely surprise!

                                  ACTOR 3
         Hello yourself.

                                  ACTOR 5
         God, it's. . .Diane, right?

                                  ACTOR 3
         Uh-huh. And you are...

                                  ACTOR 5
         Jerry.

                                  ACTOR 3
         That's right. Well, nice seeing you.

                                  ACTOR 5
         More than nice to see you.
              (the others begin a countdown)
         Umm, you going to step out and see the fireworks?

                                  ACTOR 3
         Might as well.

                                  ACTOR 5
         Maybe this year the damn thing will actually launch.

                                  ALL
         Happy New Year!

                                  ACTOR 3
         Happy New Year.
              (she gives Jerry a little kiss.)


                                  ACTOR 5
         Happy New Year.
              (he kisses her back. It's good. They stop and
              look at each other.)




                                    THE END

Saturday, November 9, 2013


And...

We're off. New website, new blog. Or new attempt to blog with a little more regularity.

It's been a rollercoaster few months. I put it this way a while back on Facebook.

(knock knock)
Me--Who's there?
Change--Change.
Me--Oh, okay. Just a minute, let me get the
Change--(crash) HA! I AM HERE!  I AM RUNNING AROUND KNOCKING OVER YOUR FURNITURE! I AM DESTROYING ALL ORDER IN YOUR LIFE! I OWN YOU! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME!
Me--sigh.

You can do what you will to prepare for change, to welcome it, to even anticipate it, but even when it's for the good there's little you can do to control it, to rein it to your will.

Except, maybe, sometimes, write about it. 

Then it starts to make some sense, and you start to understand that telling yourself the story of the change yanks you above the current for a moment, so instead of kicking with it or against it you can watch yourself moving in it.

Writing's given me a lot in this life--a craft, an art to aspire to, and even something that approaches a living. But the gift of making my life make sense is maybe the greatest one. So yes. Welcome. (or welcome back.) This is my writing. Though little of it is autobiographical, it's probably is the best way for anyone to get to know me.