FaceCookie

So here's my second one-minute play for the upcoming festival. I solicited for ideas on Facebook, and received a bewildering and inspiring collection that could probably keep me going for the next decade. In the end, this is what I came up with. I dedicate it to the entirety of my Facebook tribe.

FaceCookie

                                    (Two men, two women, all at their

                                    computers. It's Sunday afternoon on

                                    Facebook.)

                                  NED

         Hey guys and gals! Just ate a delicious cookie.

         Smiley face.

                                  SUSAN

         What kind?

                                  NED

         Chocolate chip.

                                  MARY

         Gluten free?

                                  NED

         No.

                                  SUSAN

         Yum.

                                  MARY

         Can I just say? I find the term "gal" offensive.

                                  NED

         Oh. Sorry.

                                  STAN

         Organic free trade chocolate?

                                  NED

         I don't know...

                                  STAN

         Slave chocolate?

                                  NED

         Wait, what?

                                  SUSAN

         I don't mind being called a gal. Smiley face

                                  STAN

         Do you know how much blood goes into your chocolate?

                                  NED

         None, I hope.

                                  MARY

         Thanks for betraying your own gender, "sister."

                                  SUSAN

         What?

  

                                  STAN

         Laugh all you want, but people are dying.

                                  NED

         From chocolate?

                                  SUSAN

         He was just saying what sort of cookie he likes.

                                  MARY

         I don't need to be "mansplained" about cookies. If

         I don't want to eat gluten that is my choice. It's

         "gals" like you that make things harder for all of

         us.

                                  SUSAN

         How?

                                  STAN

         I am not going to waste time on bombastic Republican

         fascists like you.

                                  MARY

         For once in your life think about reading a book,

         Barbie.

                                  STAN AND MARY

         Unfriend.

                                    (Beat. Then to Ned:)

                                  SUSAN

         I like cookies. Smiley face.

END OF PLAY